two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
