You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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