The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
