found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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