the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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