i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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