I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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