he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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