What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
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I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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