Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
