And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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