so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
