oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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