I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
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I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
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Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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