Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
