Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
