im drinking this country out of the recession.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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