So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
