I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize