Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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