So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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