Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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