Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
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I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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