i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
