i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
