Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
