And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
