so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
