if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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