remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
