I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Someone signed my nipple.
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