I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
