it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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