You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
