I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
