I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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