there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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