left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
