just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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