I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
