I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
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he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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