My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize