WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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