did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
