ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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