Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
