I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Bring me that man meat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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