just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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