bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize