And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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