you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
