Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
