i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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