Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
