dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize