I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
