He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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