just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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