ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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