Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
