Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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